The increase in psychological mass generated by addictive behavior can be enough to weigh down the best intentions, over and over again, The path you may want to go down could be straight, wide, and well-travelled. It’s clear enough that lots of people go down that road daily. But an addiction can make it look like this:

It was there when I woke up

The changes in your brain (see post Ghost and the Machine) have dropped a boulder bigger than a house in the way, and no one can sense it but you. The increase in internal inertia is often so extreme that battling an addiction takes more energy than is available, thus the often heard instruction “one day at a time”, which sometimes really is too long a period to contemplate.

It is not going to go away. No blame.  There have been a whole lot of incredible people throughout history that have played every human role imaginable while ‘pushing the stone’ of addictive behavior.

It is a private battle waged against the inertia of negative feelings that no one wants to hear, or share. ‘Healing’ in this case means  being able to move in a positive direction, while tolerating the urges of altered chemistry and weight of extra psychological mass.